Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My life is pants optional.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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