It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.