i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
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maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.