not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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