Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.