Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
