Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
