There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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