If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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