just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
