we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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