I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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