My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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