The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
