So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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