i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
