Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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