C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
