He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
