I wish my penis had an off switch
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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