There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
