On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there was a trapeze. enough said
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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