My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want nice things and good sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
