I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Be still, my beating vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
