Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
