Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
