wanna go halves on a baby?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
