Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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