I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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