I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
