When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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