Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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