Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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