What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
