I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
