we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
