Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
