i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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