i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
