Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
