she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
