That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please come you make the beer taste better
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
