I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
