i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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