Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
