Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME

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  (724): As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME http://tfl.nu/k5kv
  Replies (9) Good night (4181) Bad night (536)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"

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  (905): I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me" http://tfl.nu/rxcz
  Replies (15) Good night (964) Bad night (2410)
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  (714): View more from California

  I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

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  (714): I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious http://tfl.nu/8hxf
  Replies (22) Good night (7149) Bad night (1126)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian

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  (917): How do you have time to get laid so much in law school? (1-917): I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian http://tfl.nu/71w8
  Replies (14) Good night (4350) Bad night (929)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.

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  (580): Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it. http://tfl.nu/0iyi
  Replies (18) Good night (3710) Bad night (976)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?

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  (703): If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house? http://tfl.nu/eww0
  Replies (5) Good night (2575) Bad night (1112)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.

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  (614): Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween. http://tfl.nu/cwdu
  Replies (14) Good night (972) Bad night (2739)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me

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  (763): I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me http://tfl.nu/q7kn
  Replies (5) Good night (1353) Bad night (838)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.

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  (317): Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid. http://tfl.nu/n6yk
  Replies (5) Good night (1266) Bad night (1439)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.

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  (847): Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch. http://tfl.nu/loso
  Replies (8) Good night (1013) Bad night (833)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.

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  (904): Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire. http://tfl.nu/weew
  Replies (14) Good night (1052) Bad night (530)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck

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  (817): This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck http://tfl.nu/mv3p
  Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (418)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"

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  (609): he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you" http://tfl.nu/enmx
  Replies (11) Good night (430) Bad night (762)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  "I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.

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  (440): "I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth. http://tfl.nu/p4vu
  Replies (5) Good night (415) Bad night (719)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help

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  (727): I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help http://tfl.nu/aa2d
  Replies (4) Good night (440) Bad night (295)

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