sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure