I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
