Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?