I am spending my child support on dildos
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.