new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
