He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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