apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
