Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
