His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
