Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
