I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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