how hairy? two words: wookie tits
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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