yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
