I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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