Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Panties = found
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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