Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
