Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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