I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
