I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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