youre lurking in front of me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry about my life...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
