sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize