Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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