I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize