The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
