i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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