woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
