I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
