I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
