i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
