im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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