i permit you to call me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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