I just cut my nipple shaving
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
