That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
