I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
