that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
