____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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