just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
