There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
